This blog is a place where I explore what hope, community, love, and peace mean to me. It is where I process my darkest moments and where I find light. Hope and peace are characteristics that must be cultivated like a garden, and writing is one expression of that work. I've been writing about my … Continue reading Resonant Breath
Some days my experience of mental illness is really hard on me. Some days it's really hard on the people around me. It makes it so extra shitty knowing I'm hurting and disappointing the people who love me. John Green published a book recently called Turtles All the Way Down. He has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder … Continue reading Illness Doesn’t Exist Inside a Bubble
Last week I was a panelist at an LGBTQ+ Mental Health and Faith conference organized through Generous Space. One of the questions I was asked was what we can be doing better as individuals and church communities to support people who deal with mental illness. Here's the response I had prepped beforehand for those that … Continue reading Support
I sit here contemplating the design of this psychiatric emergency unit. The psychiatrist has told me he won't be admitting me. He said I have a history of being resistant to treatment, and that for people with Borderline Personality Disorder (like me), admission often fails. He's not the first psychiatrist I've heard this from. Stigma … Continue reading Psych ER
My heart bleeds with you when your pain demands to be felt. And I know yours bleeds for me too. Your breath surrounds me with the air that keeps me alive. And I will keep breathing life over you.
The Bear, Part 1 Death consumes me. I am fighting a bear that is 1000x stronger, 1000x more vicious than me. They tell me to be brave, to have hope, to take one moment at a time. I believe the voices that say I am stronger than him. I tell the bear and he laughs … Continue reading The Bear
Stigma often places the blame of mental illness on the shoulders of those who struggle. Resources are scarce and the system is overwhelmed. We are expected to fight our way to wellness in a society that breeds anxiety and despair. Those of us who are most sensitive are like canaries in the coalmines, but instead … Continue reading Canaries
I am a vase full of pain. Every crack leaks pain out over those who are closest to me. I want to destroy the vase and end the pain. But it would spill out over everyone I love.
My sweet wife carries scars that are not hers. When the monster of mental illness grows strong within me, all too often Kathryn becomes its target. When I can barely keep myself alive, the monster feeds on her to destroy us both. And still, she is here. Firmly by my side as the monster rages … Continue reading Dancing with the Monster
Having Borderline Personality Disorder sucks a lot. The struggle and pain of it all is so intense sometimes. But I'm also discovering the gifts of highly sensitive emotional people. We are naturally empathetic and compassionate We are able to have deep and authentic relationships Our joy is contagious and can be found in the simplest … Continue reading Emotional Gifts