She tells me to picture a screen door that leads out to a garden where two children and a dog are playing. A young boy, is squirting his dog and his little sister with a water gun. The summer sun is hot and the little girl is more interested in picking cherry tomatoes to fill her … Continue reading Through the Screen Door
"So you're the Spiritual Care Guy, right? The one with the answers?" "Yeah..." he says with a grin. He knows by now that conversations with me aren't often easy. "So where is God in all of this?" I ask. His grin disappears, and as tears fill my eyes, he responds, "My honest answer? I don't … Continue reading Where?
My friend G, whom I've written about on this blog before, moved this week. His long stay here at the hospital is finally over and he is in a living environment better suited to his needs. It was hard to see him go. For me, he was one of the few constants around here. I … Continue reading Between Healthy and Ill
A dear friend sent me a book in the mail. It's a simple book, with only a few short sentences written by Annie Dillard called "Give it All, Give it Now: One of the Few Things I Know About Writing." The words are spread across beautifully illustrated pages, with just a simple phrase per page, … Continue reading A New Letter
Oh God, where are you when we need you most? In our most vulnerable moments? Without you, death seems inviting - a chance for rest and peace when none can be found in life. The physical components of our brains fire and misfire and create chains we cannot break. Habits and addictions weaken our resolve … Continue reading What Will It Take
It is the eve of a new chapter in my mental health journey. Tomorrow I will receive my first ECT treatment. My emotions about this range from calm to chaos, and hit each level in between. I fear the procedure, the idea that my brain must be damaged (in a very minuscule way) in order … Continue reading Despair’s Depth
“You need to have an operation?” he said alarmed. “No, it’s just a treatment.” “A what?” “A treatment - you know how doctors have their different ways of helping people,” I tried to explain simply. “They just put a little electricity right here,” I said as I pointed to my temples. “They what?!!” came his … Continue reading Electroconvulsive Therapy