You are currently browsing the monthly archive for January 2009.

January 28th, 2009

Hi Ashley,

I’m writing this for you. I’m glad you remembered it was here.

There is a lot of good going for you, please try to see it.  There were good things about today, weren’t there?

I know how much you hurt sometimes.  I know you just want to be loved.

Remember, you can choose your response to this, to whatever it is that has made you feel this way.

You can choose to focus on things that will bring God’s light into the situation, or you can choose things that will cause you to deepen into this darkness.

Please choose life.  It’s worth it.  You know by now that these moments pass.  And you know you are loved.

What are some really practical ways you could feel better right now? Going for a walk? Watching a feel good movie? Calling a friend?  Thinking about something to look forward to this week or tomorrow?  Choosing to sleep?  Playing piano?  Reflecting on the experiences you’ve had and how blessed you are?  Doing something or planning something practical to love someone else?

You are smart, beautiful, insightful, compassionate, passionate, honest, adventurous.  You challenge yourself to be a better person.

And, you are in process.  Please love yourself through this process.

I ask for God’s love and peace and rest for you tonight.

“I beg you, be patient towards all that is unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

Sometimes I wish I could be a better friend to you(s).

Sometimes I get so caught up in my own world, that I fail to see you in yours.

Sometimes I forget that the significance of my life is dependent upon my relationship with you.

Sometimes I remember and I don’t really know what to say.

Ryan’s surgery was a success.   He’s home now.

Even though this blog seems like its just a smattering of thought, it has given me a place to mark significant moments and vent difficult struggles.  I still recall the exact words I wrote when I found out Gloria was pregnant, when my grandfather died, when I finally decided to attend SSU.  It may not make sense to an outsider but I can trace a line through these entries and see the seasons my life has passed through.

2009 began just a short while ago.  This new year has me feeling on edge, on edge of change – like wind is stirring amidst the trees.  This makes sense since graduation is only a few months away.  With some intentional planning, and a very successful job interview, I can honestly say that true excitement has replaced most of the anxiety I was feeling last term about my future.

As it stands right now I will be heading into another intentional community after SSU.  I trace my roots in communal living back to camp experiences at Ontario Pioneer Camp, through Bronte Creek Project, into Katimavik and finally to St Stephen’s University. I think L’arche will be the next big step.

I guess in a way, I have become addicted to community.  To those of you who have been a piece of that, all I can offer is a thank you.

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other” doesn’t make any sense.

Mevlana Jelaluddin Rumi – 13th century

After World War II, an American retailing expert named Victor Lebow proclaimed:

“Our enormously productive economy demands that we make consumption our way of life, that we convert the buying and use of goods into rituals, that we seek our spiritual satisfaction, our ego satisfaction, in consumption.  We need things consumed, burned up, worn out, replaced, and discarded at ever-increasing rate.”

We didn’t end where we are today by accident.  Over-consumption has been intentionally built into our societies.  So now we must ask ourselves how this can be changed.

 

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