Tonight, I light a candle in a blackened room, And I invite the darkness to come and sit. Together, what is shadowed, Will wax and wane with what is lit. I remember beauty, So much deep beauty, In me, in us, in this life and in this world. Tonight, I remember beauty. I remember pain, … Continue reading Come and Sit
This blog is a place where I explore what hope, community, love, and peace mean to me. It is where I process my darkest moments and where I find light. Hope and peace are characteristics that must be cultivated like a garden, and writing is one expression of that work. I've been writing about my … Continue reading Resonant Breath
Some days my experience of mental illness is really hard on me. Some days it's really hard on the people around me. It makes it so extra shitty knowing I'm hurting and disappointing the people who love me. John Green published a book recently called Turtles All the Way Down. He has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder … Continue reading Illness Doesn’t Exist Inside a Bubble
Last week I was a panelist at an LGBTQ+ Mental Health and Faith conference organized through Generous Space. One of the questions I was asked was what we can be doing better as individuals and church communities to support people who deal with mental illness. Here's the response I had prepped beforehand for those that … Continue reading Support
Three years ago, I wrote a piece called Through the Screen Door. It was written from a hospital bed, during a long admission that seemed to have no end in sight. Hope felt next to non-existent. I didn't believe that I would ever get better, or be able to build the life with Kathryn that … Continue reading New Life
I sit here contemplating the design of this psychiatric emergency unit. The psychiatrist has told me he won't be admitting me. He said I have a history of being resistant to treatment, and that for people with Borderline Personality Disorder (like me), admission often fails. He's not the first psychiatrist I've heard this from. Stigma … Continue reading Psych ER
My heart bleeds with you when your pain demands to be felt. And I know yours bleeds for me too. Your breath surrounds me with the air that keeps me alive. And I will keep breathing life over you.
The Bear, Part 1 Death consumes me. I am fighting a bear that is 1000x stronger, 1000x more vicious than me. They tell me to be brave, to have hope, to take one moment at a time. I believe the voices that say I am stronger than him. I tell the bear and he laughs … Continue reading The Bear
Stigma often places the blame of mental illness on the shoulders of those who struggle. Resources are scarce and the system is overwhelmed. We are expected to fight our way to wellness in a society that breeds anxiety and despair. Those of us who are most sensitive are like canaries in the coalmines, but instead … Continue reading Canaries
I am a vase full of pain. Every crack leaks pain out over those who are closest to me. I want to destroy the vase and end the pain. But it would spill out over everyone I love.